I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
