i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
