shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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