Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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