Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
