Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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