You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
