I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
