She said her name was "party"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
