the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
