it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
