Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
