if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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