I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
