By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
