He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
