my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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