Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
