I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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