dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
