Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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