Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
