my phone needs a breathalizer
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize