glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
