my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
