We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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