A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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