so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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