Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
