I got chris browned last night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
