Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
