Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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