Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
A+ Viking dick
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