so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize