Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
