i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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