I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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