I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
