Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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