I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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