Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
