We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
