Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
