so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
