just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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