Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
