The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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