Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
