Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
