But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
