theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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