At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
