If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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