you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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