Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
