So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
