i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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