he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
