i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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