Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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