I wish I could punch you in the face.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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