a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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