I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
