Sober January is a disaster.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
