Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
