the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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