The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
