thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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