it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
