you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i need some magic done to my vagina
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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