I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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