He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize