but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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