i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
