Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize