tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
