Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
