Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
