I faked an abortion last night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
