I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
