Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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