i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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