i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
