I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
