True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
