i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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