I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
